Time: 11/19/10 11AM
Game Time: 20 minutes
I started the game last night, and was treated to a brief intro about the events that occurred just before the game begins. You see, the Seven Years War just ended, and after a thousand years of constant warfare....
Wait, wait, wait, stop! The Seven Years War ended, which concluded a thousand years of constant warfare? At least the game lets you know right from the start that nothing is going to make sense.
So apparently people have been fighting for 1,000 years -- and why are Japanese settings always hooked on 1,000 years? That's such a ridiculously long time. Magna Carta 2 took place 1,000 years after a big war. Valhalla Knights 2 did as well. I still haven't played it, but I recall from reviews that Lost Odyssey did too. How stupid. -- Anyway, people have been fighting for 1,000 years nonstop and now the Earth's soul magic has been drained and it's going to create some new souls to regenerate the itself. The intro implies this is bad. Like, the Earth will regenerate itself by killing everyone currently living on it.
Which brings us to our protagonist... a jerk of a mercenary who talks to himself in combat, loudly telling braindead monsters how awesome he is and how they aren't going to put up a fight. A jerk protagonist... he immediately reminds me of Galahad from Neverland Card Battles, another Idea Factory game. Yay. But this is a surprise -- after killing the monsters he returns to the guild to find out that -- oh no! -- he has to team up with 3 other badass jerk mercenaries for his next mission. The game lets me know these guys are really badass. One of them states that he does mercenary work FOR FUN not for money. Badass. The chick mercenary won't tell the protagonist her name, because she says she's so badass, HE has to tell HER his name first. He does. Then she does. Badass. The third guy is taciturn, although he does speak his name. Badass. The fact that this game's entire script thus far has been nothing but crappy, grade-school trash talk also reminds me of Neverland Card Battles. Super yay.
Other than that, I can say the graphics are fugly, the music is so awful I muted the PSP before the first battle was over, and combat moves at a slow, slow pace. There's a hidden-ish tutorial in the game, but it displays text so slowly, I think I'm going to wing it instead of wasting time with that.
The lesson here is that dreams inevitably lead to hideous implosions.